There is an industry term for where I am right now: the bench. Some companies call it the "beach" and maintain an actual physical location in the office decorated with leis and inflatable palm trees where employees can relax and watch YouTube videos. My company's bench is more of a metaphysical state of being. It is, in essence, a void between stars where matter and time cease to exist, a limbo before hell where consultants go to atone for their sins, I also take really long lunch breaks.
I have heard rumors that some companies will dump bad employees on the bench until it becomes legal for them to be fired, the equivalent of being put out to pasture. I wonder if this is what's happening to me, affirming my paranoia that everyone I've ever worked with secretly hates me and conducts meetings devising strategies to elbow me out of the company. I told my HR-assigned-mentor about my theory and she said that I shouldn't worry because nobody ever thinks about me; relief cascades over my entire body.
I've tried to make the most of my "time-off" by recovering from my last project (a separate, hellish experience), catching up on continuing professional education requirements, and conceptualizing really laborious meals to prepare. But I cannot help but wonder if this past week has been a gift from the corporate gods or a curse. And I really wanna know if my next project is gonna be near a metro station.
So I made this traditional Jewish meal and then prayed.
Boiling a head of cabbage is as cumbersome as you think it would be.
Cut out the rib.
*Obligatory super stylized picture of meat*
It looks like Lena Dunham.
With some homemade mac and cheese. Wait. I guess that's not kosher.
I feel better.